Finding me is not as easy as I first imagined… So, a little stress eating today. Made a last-minute decision to prepare Seafood Crêpes and Roasted Haricots Verts (French green beans)… Yes, it was a cold, wintry day begging for some light jazz and time out for me to just breath, think and relive a night, long ago in Sweet Basils.
Yesterday, after what I believed to be thoughtful posts someone called to say, “You’re leaving you out again.” Am I that lost? Is the burial ground of my needs a frozen tundra?
Last summer I accompanied my little “Grand-bud” to his golf lesson. It was a hot, hot day and of course, I forgot his water bottle. He ranted “You forgot my water bottle,” several times triggering a slight panic as I wondered what to do. I did not know any other parents (or grandparents) and did not want to leave him alone. I took a deep breath to think. A supervisor was present and came to my rescue by offering to sit with him if I wanted to make a quick trip to a store… just a stone’s throw away. Trusting my instinct about this lady, I rushed to buy some water. Returning to the park, she ran to my car, grabbed a single bottle of water and rushed back to him much quicker than I could have because I purchased several bottles to give him options.
As the water-break ended, I thanked my new BFF, Barbara, as well complimented her on her stunning looks. She thanked me and said, “You look pretty good yourself.” We laughed. Out of nowhere, she blurted out, “Next Wednesday is the first anniversary of my son’s death.” I’m sorry is all I could say, at a rare lost for words. She continued, “Every morning I wake up and cover my pain with make-up and a smile.” She continued talking and I listened… Thankful for the sunglasses covering my teary eyes. Her son was Autistic, but high-functioning. He had bouts of OCD behavior, but with patience, she explained he could “center” himself. The morning of his death, a teacher at the local community college chided him for his inability to comprehend an assignment. I inquired if he had a MDC or IEP (Multi-Disciplinary Conference for the Individual Education Plan). She said, “Yes, but the instructor was an asshole.” Apparently, her son left the school (she guessed confused and depressed) and instead of calling her or driving home, he drove to a nearby train depot.
We talked around the playful voices of five-year olds comforted by the presence of each other: In that moment, two mothers who fully embraced their children including the role of advocate. We hugged and left each other smiling.
This morning, I stood before the mirror and what was staring back was this lady who is fighting hard to find herself. She recalls a time when life was lived effortlessly and fully. She absolutely will find her way back to the shore of where she belongs. She is coming to realize, the only way forward is to reconcile herself on this lonesome path of current events under the auspicious header called life. Patience is required and perhaps a lovely meal as I prepared today is a microcosm of real life… Not everything is achievable in a quick 20 or 30 minutes… the wait was worth it today. There was a wonderful bottle of wine for today’s meal. However, it remains unopened … and that’s OK.
Next week, I will heat the crêpe pan again and share my recipe for this dish. Thank you for “listening.”